Horoscopes for Babies, November 2019
Like horoscopes for adults, but horoscopes for babies.
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Every day is an open-ended question, Scorpio Baby, and the answers are rarely what you think they’ll be. Will you get to play peek-a-boo for seven hours straight like you want? Probably not (big people have short attention spans), but that just leaves more time for activities you haven’t even discovered yet, like watching the spin cycle on the washer or hearing the satisfying plooop! when you drop the dog’s toys into the toilet.
Lucky number: 11
Lucky color: rose
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Journeys abound for you this month, Sagittarius Baby, so buckle up. Literally. You’re going to be in your car seat for a significant part of this month, so settle in and enjoy the ride over the river and through the woods. Request "Baby Shark" on repeat and remember that every transfixing tunnel leads you closer to your destination: Grandma.
Lucky number: 28
Lucky color: olive
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Charm is your greatest asset this month, Capricorn Baby, and you’ve got oodles. The key is to do everything with intention and a smile. So you’re not into strained peas today? No problem. Instead of screaming about it, why not gently massage them into your wispy hairline with an enchanting grin? You’ll get what you want and Mom will get a great photo for Instagram. This is what’s known as a win/win.
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
Lucky number: 46
Lucky color: slate gray
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Creative as your ideas are, Aquarius Baby, they may not suit everyone. You like to wear pants on your head. You prefer to smoosh crackers into fine dust rather than eat them. You compose operas at 3:00 am. Expect pushback, but before you give in, keep in mind that your parents just drug an actual tree into the house and put lights on it. To each their own. Be the bigger person, go along with it, and let them learn from your example.
Lucky number: 2
Lucky color: grass
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
You’re holding some strong opinions this month, Pisces Baby, and it’s time to let them out and be heard. You want Dad and only Dad to retrieve you from your crib in the morning, so stop sending mixed signals and allowing Mom to do it. Should she attempt, throw yourself on the mattress and wriggle with all your might, paying no mind to the fact that last month you felt just the opposite. If you knew the word prerogative you would use it.
Lucky number: DAD!
Lucky color: mint
Aries
March 21 - April 19
There’s something strange in the air, Aries Baby, and it seems to penetrate everything. You recognize it in the strange new snacks you’re given to nibble, in the bowl of dried pinecones and bark you’re NOT allowed to nibble, the candle on the mantle, and even traces of it in the breast milk you guzzle. It’s called pumpkin spice and it will pass. Don’t worry, to everything there is a season.
Lucky number: 65
Lucky color: tangerine
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Your social calendar has never been more full, Taurus Baby, and you’ll be transferring from hip to hip of old friends and new. Take time to appreciate each face. Taste the necklaces around their necks. Get a solid squeeze of their noses. Let no bushy eyebrow or mustache go unexamined. If you’re feeling generous, laugh at their jokes, even if you don’t get the punchline. It will endear you to them like few things can.
Lucky number: 81
Lucky color: grape
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
The world is changing fast, Gemini Baby, and there’s nothing to be done about that. The leafy tree outside your bedroom window is nothing but a giant stick now. Your purple pool in the backyard was there until one day it wasn’t. The sun goes night-night even before dinner. It’s not personal and it’s nothing you did to cause it, but find solace in the fact that suddenly your entire family is wearing matching PJs at 6pm every day. That’s something.
Lucky number: 40
Lucky color: rainbow
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
You’re a trendsetter, Cancer Baby, and everyone is following your lead this month. You dress entirely for comfort, you nap after a good meal, and always remember to say, “tank oooo” at least seventeen time each day. Before the calendar turns, your entire immediate and extended family will gather to celebrate these qualities you’ve demonstrated, and present you with the trophy of all trophies: marshmallows on top of baby food.
Lucky number: 32
Lucky color: navy
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Expect confrontations this month, Leo Baby, for they are inevitable. Socks will be placed on your feet, no matter how many times you peel them off. Hats and mittens will be applied and reapplied. To you, this is a personal affront and an attempt to hide who you are from the world. Maybe it is, maybe not. Keep in mind that each person has their own perspective and reason for doing things.
Lucky number: 14
Lucky color: heather gray
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
You’re right to feel suspicious this month, Virgo Baby, and your senses are not lying to you. For months, you’ve felt like you were being watched, then overnight a tiny intruder in a cone-shaped hat has appeared and is openly spying on the family, first from the bookshelf, later from on top of the fridge. Your siblings are understandably shook. Is this the same spy who tells your parents the minute you’ve taken your diaper off in your crib? Or are there more?
Lucky number: 3
Lucky color: cherry
Libra
September 23 - October 22
The passage of time is overwhelming you this month, Libra Baby, and it’s hard not to mourn the past. Yesterday, you had no teeth. Today, you have two. You outgrew your favorite outfit, which was sold days later on the Internet. Before the month ends, you’ll catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize that you’ve lost your double chin. A full head of hair is in your future. It must be so.
Lucky number: 26
Lucky color: plum
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